original posting: 17 October 2007
I never should have loved you. Never. Such a rediculous notion... Love. I spit on love.
What is love but an excuse. An excuse to be hurt. An excuse to act like you care for no one else in the world but that one. An excuse to sever ties with those that may care more for you than that one person you seem focused on. What is love but another way to confuse and subvert all the good things you may experience in this life.
I loved you. I did. At first... I hated that I did. Because, I didn't want to. And what do I brag about? Never doing anything that i didn't want to. Never letting my emotions go anywhwere i don't want them to. And what happened. You. You didn't even treat me that well. I may have acted like you did. But i was blind. Like any fool that believes in love, i believed in you.
I spit at love. What did love do to me. It lied to me. It betrayed me. It fed me the pieces of my own broken heart. It turned everything i felt around and turned it into a black, terrible and worthless emotion. It treated me like i have never done anything other than what i did for myself. Who cares about this love. This black, dark and twisted emotion.
So i have rid myself of this pox. This palsey. This... love. I have replaced it with something pure. Something that can only be felt in one way. Something that will always give me exactly what i want, and expect. Something that will always return to me what i give to it. Hate. Why embrace something else, only to have it returned with pain in spades
Your no holds barred, gritty type of writing really grabs me. There's so many different emotions in it and it really pulls me in. I love this. Your descriptive abilities are just so electrifying. The way you express and explain and personify love in this regard is astounding. I love the way you write; it's beautifully dark.
ReplyDeleteLOL-I'm pretty sure Musashi wouldn't have wasted so much effort even feeling what you've described here, let alone writing it down, yikes. Then to imagine him replacing all that wasted time and emotion with hate? You need to read Five Rings again, you didn't get it the first time.
ReplyDelete