Regret

original posting:  29 December 2007

Let's talk about regret. Let me take that back a little.
Let ME talk about MY regret.
When it always begins, there is a moment, a space in time, where you consider what someone is telling you, or asking you, or hoping of you where you have to make a decision. Should I or shouldn't I? Can I or can I not? I am sure you can draw all the same conclusions about the positive or negative sides of answering any of these questions.
So what can you do to answer those questions? You can think about their honesty. True. You can think about their character. True. How about their past? How about their past with you? But wait a minute... am I saying that you should judge someone in the now by the things they have done in their past? Yes.
You see... we cannot escape two things in this life. One is inevitable... the other is ourselves. We will never, as people, especially these days, escape who we are. We are no longer honorable, caring, giving or honest. Everything that everyone does is for themselves. Leading someone on? Who gives a shit. Crush after you have had your fill. Promising love and care? Pass your time by and then move on. They will get over it. Convincing someone you are a good thing and slathering promises of tomorrow? Lie like you could care less and move on to someone else.
This is such a beautiful world. It is even more beautiful when you realize that you are the only one still playing by the rules. Being honest? Giving your heart when it is asked for? Allowing yourself to be vulnerable? Treating someone like they matter and being respectful? I wish I could come back with some sort of zen master phrase or response about things leveling out. Truth is... I can't.
Regret. Regret is realizing that I am the only reason that I keep getting treated the way I do. I have gotten so much shit about how I am such a hardass, such a heartless bastard and how I could care less about anyone else in this world... and go figure, as soon as I start being the golden boy... I hear nothing but snide remarks and shit talking behind my back.
So excuse me if I tell you to go fuck yourself... whoever you happen to be.