life is life. in the end everything is just life. life is pain. life is happiness. life will bring you everything that will make you laugh and everything that will make you cry. life will give you everything that your heart desires and life will take it all away. Just when you seem you cannot get any lower life will do something that will give you just enough hope to go on.
i know this better than most. my life has been filled with loss and pain. but it has also been filled with so much joy and happiness. amazingly, it always seems to be in equal amounts. just as soon as i reach an extremely happy point in my life, darkness follows. just when i seem to be so down that i cannot see the light of day, someone just shows up, tells me something that erases my pain, and i smile again. Then again, there are very few people that have this wonderful ability to just lift my spirits.
What does one do when there is no way to numb the pain. What does one do when hope has faded away. What can be said or what can be done to fix something like that. I guess that is my real question. When nothing that anyone says can help, how do you try to just mellow until that one person clears the sky?
Why do we hurt those we love? Is it because we think they will always be there no matter what happens? Is that why we push them to the side when something comes up? Because we know that they really care and will still be there when the pieces fall? That is we never let them totally close, we never have to fear that they will go away? The fatal flaw, I believe, in this thought, is that sometimes, that causes the very thing that you fear to become true.
life does a great job of putting people into our lives. whether or not they decide to stay, walk away or embrace you is another choice. sure, we could always go with what we know would be awesome... but sometimes because we are not thinking like anything else but a hormone driven teenager or a reckless youth... we make bad choice. i am just as guilty of this as anyone else. sometimes we make choices we don't even know we will regret. sometimes we pass up chances we will never get again. my father once told me that you never know who exactly is going to come and go in your life... that is why you should always embrace what is right in front of you instead of some dream that may or may not happen.
sometimes we put people too close to our hearts. sometimes we allow people to hurt us. sometimes we set ourselves up for heartbreak. it really does suck when you realize that a person will not longer be the person you either thought they were or allow to be anymore. no matter whose feelings you are trying to spare, or what you are trying to preserve, you can sometimes be the only thing that is causing your own pain. we are sometimes, our own worse enemy, and sometimes we are the only reason we are unhappy. sometimes, doing what we want for right now is not doing what we will want later in life. again, as my father once told me... you will not know until it is too late.
we all make choices. choices. what a strange thing. you never know how they will turn out. they either become something that you are proud of or something that makes your put gunmetal to the temple.
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